What to Write to a Pen Pal: 30 Letter Ideas and a Template

Write your first pen pal letter in four parts: say hi and how you found them, tell them three specific things about your life, react to something in their profile, and end with one or two questions they'd enjoy answering. After that, the easiest letters answer their questions first and add one new topic. Below are 30 letter ideas, a first-letter template and a few things to slip into the envelope if you write on paper.

I build penfolk, a pen pal and language exchange app, so I read a lot of first messages. The ones that get answers are short, specific and curious. The ones that don't are the "Hi! How are you? Tell me about yourself" kind.

A first pen pal letter template

Copy this, then rewrite every line so it sounds like you.

Hi [name],

I found your profile on [site] and stopped at [one specific thing from their profile]. [One sentence on why it caught your eye.]

A bit about me: I live in [city or region], I spend most of my week [work, studies, kids, whatever is true], and lately I've been [one thing you're into right now].

[A small, concrete detail from this week: what you cooked, what the weather did, something that made you laugh.]

I'm curious about [something about their country, city or hobby]. What is [specific question]?

Write whenever you like, there's no rush.

[Your name]

Keep the first one short. Four short paragraphs is plenty. A long first letter puts pressure on the other person to match it.

30 pen pal letter ideas

Getting to know each other

1. What a normal weekday looks like for you, hour by hour.
2. The view from your window right now.
3. Your neighbourhood: one shop, one street, one person you see every day.
4. What you wanted to be when you were ten.
5. A tradition from your family that outsiders find strange.
6. The last thing that made you laugh out loud.

Place and culture

7. A food from your region that you'd make them try.
8. How people celebrate birthdays where you live.
9. A word in your language that has no good translation.
10. What tourists get wrong about your country.
11. The season you like most and what changes when it arrives.
12. A song everyone where you live knows the words to.

Taste and opinions

13. Your top 3 albums, films or books, and why.
14. A book you'd send them if you could.
15. Something you changed your mind about in the last few years.
16. A small thing you'll happily spend too much money on.
17. A film you love that most people hate.
18. What you're listening to this week.

Questions to ask your pen pal

19. What does a perfect day off look like for you?
20. What's something you're learning right now?
21. Which place have you always wanted to visit, and why that one?
22. What's a smell that takes you straight back to childhood?
23. What do people in your town do on a Friday night?
24. What's a question you wish people asked you more?

For later letters

25. A photo of something ordinary from your day, with the story behind it.
26. A short list of things that went well this month.
27. A recipe written out by hand.
28. A plan for the next few months, big or small.
29. A memory triggered by something in their last letter.
30. A question you were too shy to ask in your first letter.

How to keep a pen pal conversation going

Answer before you ask. Reply to their questions first, properly. Then add one new topic. A letter that ignores what they wrote feels like a form letter.

Pick up a detail. If they mentioned a sister, a test or a trip in passing, ask how it went. People notice when you remember.

Don't stack ten questions. Two good questions beat ten quick ones. A list of questions reads like an interview.

Write like you talk. Pen pal letters aren't essays. Short sentences are fine. So are typos.

Match their pace. If they write once a month, don't send four letters in between. If you need a break, say so in one line instead of disappearing.

If you write on paper: things to put in the envelope

Paper pen pals often add small flat things. Check your country's postal rules first, because thicker letters cost more and some items aren't allowed.

• A postcard from your town
• A pressed leaf or flower
• Stickers or washi tape
• A tea bag from a brand they can't get
• A ticket stub from a concert or film
• A small drawing
• A local stamp, unused, for their collection

Language exchange letters

If your pen pal is also your language partner, write part of the letter in the language you're learning and part in yours. Ask them to correct only the mistakes that block understanding, not every comma. On penfolk you can translate a message and leave inline corrections in the chat, which makes this easier. Here's how language exchange works on penfolk.

Still looking for someone to write to? I wrote a guide on how to find a pen pal, and a comparison of the best pen pal apps.

FAQ

What should I write in my first pen pal letter?

Say how you found them, share three specific things about your life, react to one thing in their profile and end with one or two questions. Keep it to four short paragraphs.

How long should a pen pal letter be?

A first letter can be a few short paragraphs. Later letters can be as long as you both like. Matching your pen pal's length is a good rule.

What questions should I ask a pen pal?

Ask about specific things: their perfect day off, a food from their region, what they're learning, a place they want to visit. Specific questions get longer answers than "how are you".

What can I put in a pen pal letter besides writing?

Flat things travel best: postcards, pressed flowers, stickers, ticket stubs, drawings or a tea bag. Check your postal service's rules before sending anything thicker.

How often should I write to my pen pal?

There's no rule. Many pen pals write every week or two. Agree on a pace early and say so when you need a break.